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Signs of depression: putting yourself down SIGNS OF DEPRESSION: PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN
Self-criticism is part of the way we regulate the quality of our performance in the various aspects of our lives - our work, our relationships and even our pastimes. We are constantly judging ourselves. This often begins first thing in the morning when we look in the mirror. How do I look today? Are there bags under my eyes? Is my hair OK? Do these clothes fit properly? Do they suit me? Or when we step on the bathroom scales. Have I gained a pound or two? Did I overeat last night? Or drink too much? Either the question is answered or the answer is deferred. And so it goes on, for most people, throughout the day.
At the office, you might ask: How did I handle that last meeting? Did I say the right thing in the right way? How did it go over with the boss, the client, the organization? Was the product up to my usual standard? A parent may ask, 'Is my child doing OK and, if not, am I to blame?' A homemaker may ask, Am I keeping up with the housework or taking care of the home properly?' In our relationships we may ask, 'Am I a good enough wife, husband or lover?' or 'Am I getting the love or attention I want and need?' And so it goes. We ask, we judge, we reach conclusions. This is an important ongoing process because it is a feedback loop by which we calibrate the quality of our lives and the basis for making changes or corrections so that our needs are met and we feel good about ourselves and the way things are going.
In depression, though, this whole process is disturbed. We see ourselves through a distorting lens. In the extreme case, the depressed person feels ugly and a failure in all areas that matter. Such judgements are made more confusing by the fact that the disorder itself causes us to fail in many ways, as I describe below. Even so, it is typical of a depressed person to exaggerate these failures far beyond what is reasonable and accurate. And it is this tendency to extreme exaggeration that is the major tell-tale sign. The conclusions reached by a depressed person, far from being an accurate take on reality, are in fact yet another manifestation of this multifaceted disorder. T am a terrible housewife, nothing I ever do turns out right/ or 'I'm a terrible mother; my children would be better off without me,' are common laments. 'I'm no good at all at what I do, I deserve to be given the sack.' The distortions may be projected into the future, as in 'I'll never amount to anything,' and T have fooled people into believing I'm competent and sooner or later I'll be found out.' Sometimes the distortions are so gross that they would almost seem comical were it not for the pain and distress of the person experiencing them. For example, one colleague quotes a patient of his as saying, T am the most unimportant person in the world.'
Whenever you find yourself using exaggerated phraseology in connection with yourself, such as 'the most,' 'the worst' or 'the least,' you should suspect yourself of being the victim of distorted perceptions and very possibly suffering from depression. Such distortions have been a focus of one of the most successful forms of psychotherapy for depression, namely cognitive therapy, in which the distortions are systematically challenged and subjected to scrutiny, using the patient's capacity to reason, which is often intact in depression. Cognitive therapists have actually shown that such rigorous challenging of aberrant perceptions and ideas can correct not only the distorted thinking of the depressed person but can also result in a beneficial effect on the person's mood.
If you are in the habit of putting yourself down or constantly seeing yourself in the worst possible light and this has been going on for more than a few weeks, consider the possibility that you may be clinically depressed.
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